Write His Answer

Guest post
Andrea Lyn Sims Ph.D.

From my research on the impostor phenomenon, I have gained insight into how identity is shaped or misshaped during the early years, and how personalities come forth from identity. As I began to better understand the inner workings of internalizing what we see and hear, I looked back on my life’s journey and realized that who I was created to be . . . was not who I had become.

The process of internalization

My own process of internalization informs me. As an adult, when I view something, I interpret what I’m seeing into words that are in agreement with what I know at the time. My understanding of what I’m viewing then passes through the filter I have created within my intellect, and I store these words or I discard them. My mind’s filter is composed of facts and ideas and feelings and is ever changing. Everything I take in passes through my filter. When I hear something, I translate it into words that are in agreement with what I know (or think I know). My filter is activated, and if I store the words, I also store the feelings that are attached to them.

But as a child, the internalization process is embryonic. The sorting out of what to keep and what to discard is non-functioning. Innocence is a beautiful thing, but guidance in erecting a schema and constructing a filter is essential if we are to become who we were created to be.

I fear this happens too rarely. For some it is mostly lacking. It was for me. And the result was a growing incongruence between how I saw myself and how the outside world saw me, which inflicted upon my inner self a silent and hidden suffering, resulting in a misshapen life and a misdirected path. It left me feeling like a fraud . . . an impostor.

Allow me to capture the essence of someone who suffers from the impostor phenomenon by taking an “external selfie.” People would describe her like this:

• She works extra hard, starting early and consistently over-preparing.
• She’s intelligent, gifted, and high achieving—successful.
• She gives a great first impression, too.
• But if you compliment her, she blushes and turns away.
• She has chosen to remain as a big fish in a small pond.
• She sets goals much below her actual capabilities.

Now let me give you an “internal selfie.” Here’s what’s going on inside her:

• She does not acknowledge her personal or professional successes, even in the face of tangible proof.
• She only briefly enjoys experiences that showcase her competence, intelligence, or talents and then rejects any idea of repeating them.
• She is full of secret fears hidden behind a great smile.
• She fears new things: projects, jobs, relationships, and experiences.
• She fears failure as well as success.
• She often goes above and beyond and does much more than is expected, like she is trying to prove something.
• She carries around the superwoman complex – a heavy burden – thinking she should be able to do anything asked of her.

The bottom line is that over the course of my life, I have believed lies about myself. So I began to list them, ending up with several pages. As I have worked through the process of replacing those lies with the truth, I wondered how many others have been living with a distorted sense of who they are because of the lies they have believed about themselves.

Just as there are universal truths, are there “universal lies” as well? Are the lies I have believed about myself similar to the lies you have believed about yourself?

Maybe many of you are just like me—living with a distorted understanding of who you are and wondering why you feel like a fraud—outwardly successful but inwardly suffering.

Maybe sharing the journey I have taken to get back my true identity will help you. That’s my hope.

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Andrea Lyn Sims Ph.D. is the author of The Impostor Affect: A Closer Look by a Classic Case (currently being used as a text for university level classes). She is also an educator and publisher of 3rd Chapter Press, First Page Press, and TerraCotta Publishing. At the May 15-18 Colorado Christian Writers Conference she will teach the workshop “The Imposter Syndrome.” www.andrealynsims.com.